I really hate certain kinds of people more than most. The kind I’m attracted to. Why? Well, that’s a pretty good question. I mean, hating something you are attracted to? That’s kind of a paradox, or whatever, isn’t it? Well, ok, you got me there. I guess it kind of is. Here, let me try and explain.
See, first off you have to get the fact that I’m not all right, especially in the head department Lose wires, wires plugged in wrong, frayed wires, and more than likely some corrosion to boot. Were I a computer, or a machine of some sort that would be easy. Replace wires/parts as needed and presto. Humans, as you know, don’t work that way, so I’m stuck like this until I die. Fun.
So, needless to say, the people I am attracted to, in general, have some major issues of their own or have very little. As a result, this makes things very difficult, and definitely not a good fit for a healthy relationship. I say this with all my heart, however black it may be, as I have never had anything close to a healthy relationship in my life. I’m fine with that, really, as relationships are just not something I’m realyl capable of. And don’t feed me that bullshit about how I can do anything blah blah blah. Shut up and realize that not everyone works in a set way. Also, at what point did I ask for you to even say that… or think that. Stop it. I can see inside your brain, you know.
Sorry, got off topic there, back on point.
So, these people tend to make me forget about all of that crap and, in the past, have made me feel like all the pat relationships were just that. Something bad in my past. Of course, they go bad and I end up worse off than I was, which is pretty bad given how I started in the first place. I really hate that the most, that part of me that is attracted to this. Moth, meet flame. It’s retarded to the nth degree. That’s actually kind of funny, seeing as I’m a bit retarded… oh come on, it’s funny, shut up. Fuck, I can’t have any fun at all.
Anyways, I am getting better at pointing out things in these people that I get attracted to that would lead to utter devastation later on down the road. Like being able to test the water for poison before taking a drink… ok, bad analogy, as that would mean all water was poisoned. Uhm… you know what, screw analogy, I’m too damn tired and coming up with one would ruin my thought flow worse than I am doing right now…
I think I’m done here, this is a rant worth of my moniker for sure. I’m gonna put this on the fridge.