It was around here. Somewhere, was it not? I know I traced it to this spot. I know I did. I know it must be here. There was something here, wasn’t there? Something was here. I know I came this way. I know it was around here. Somewhere, was it not? Is this the wrong spot? Have I gone to far? I can’t feel it here and maybe I should turn back and try again. But where was I when I noticed it was missing? Where am I now?The footprints that were so clear seem faded now. It was around here somewhere. Somewhere, was it lost at all?

Ever wake up to your world crumbling? I don’t mean collapsing, but definitely crumbling. There are cracks and pieces on the ground that should be up some where else. You don’t really know where they go, you don’t even know how to clean them up. You wish you did though. You wish you could just put all the pieces back, but they don’t always fit. Still those gashes, cracks, and so much dust. There are times where it’s a false alarm, and you rub your burning eyes with clenched fists… and everything is as it was. Sometimes it isn’t that easy and it takes work. But you get things back in order, and unless you look really close at the architecture, you can’t even tell. Other people might. Still, there are those times where the crumbling becomes and earthquake, the earthquake becomes a void, the void becomes a hole in your very core. A hole that can be covered, maybe even filled in, but never goes away. 

I woke up to the sound of pieces hitting the ground, the cracks, the dust. 

I want to be the reason for your smile

I want to be the reason for your laughter

All I seem to do is cause you frustration

All I seem to do is cause you harm

I don’t ask you for myself

I don’t even think of myself

I just want ot do what I can

I just want to help you somehow

What am I supposed to do?

What would anyone do?

Am I just not supposed to help?

Am I supposed to just not care?

I can’t understand what you’re thinking

I can’t read your mind

Try so hard to help

Try so hard but fail eveytime

If this isn’t what you wanted

If this isn’t how things should be

Wish you would explain it to me

Wish you would help me to see

I want to be the one that helps

I want to be the one who understands you best

All I seem to do is the opposite

All I seem to do is wrong

Round around round this ride is going and there is no time for stopping. There is no time for starting either. No stop and no end, like a snake that eats it’s tail and swimming in these waters leads you down. There are sharks in these waters and the steam is rising with the tide of this boiling kettle. To drink this water would be certain death just as it would be the start of a new wall that over looks the underside of a darkened moon. With the clouds to shield the light from it’s surface it’s hard to see the truth held behind closed eyes. Eyes shut tight as fingers clench to not be thrown from this ride.

Indestructible

It doesn’t mean you can’t be wounded

It doesn’t mean you can’t be stopped

It does mean that, no matter what

You will always find a way

You will persevere

It means do your worst

It means bring your best

Because no matter what happens

You will never truly make me crumble

You will never see me fall

I am indestructible

And you?

You are in my way

No matter how black a cloud gets

How heavy the rain pours

Or how hard the thunder booms

There’s always a silver lining

This room

Here we are again and I don’t know why

I thought this was a different door

Looking back, I see the room I am still in

Maybe I have never really left

I thought I made some progress

Thought I understood

Why am I standing in this doorway now

And when I turn around

To go back the way I came

I find myself in the same place

So I put my hand to the wall, following it

Put one foot in front of the next 

And when I look up, thinking of where I’m going

Instead I’m back at this door, looking in

I want to understand, won’t you show me the way

So I can come in and bathe in knowing

I want to move inside and be a part of this

But I never feel like I can

Things start to feel like it’s right, and I’m sliding through the wall

My feet aren’t even on the floor

Doors don’t matter and I can feel myself enter

Then it’s as if I pass right through

Turning around, I’m back at that doorway

Wondering what just happened

I don’t know what’s kept in there

Only that I can feel it

A feeling i want always in my heart and mind

So I keep trying

Getting closer, moving durther

I want to go the right way

Walking back through these moments and these memories

Trying to back the feelings that they bring

Hands in pockets, chill on face

I walk because they pull, to run would be to fall

I walk because they weigh me down

Sometimes I think I should turn back, being here does no good

But I remind mysellf that these are part of me

Made me who I am

So I keep walking

Walking still

beat of my heart like a drum in my chest as i head into the place i know best with tangled webs and floor of sand the only place i understand and when i close my eyes to feel upon the hollowed ground i kneel to see the stars light up my face while alone in my own place to pick the wings off insects and glide to that place that is deep inside a place where i can set me free the place i will always be inside a tree inside the sky inside what makes me him and i to close out demons that mean me harm to scrawl in blood along my arm and seal the world inside my head to enjoy the rest of the deal and not this ever growing scream that tears me apart at the seam away from skeletons and all these teeth and back inside safe underneath these walls of glass that never break no matter the pressure of my mistake to hide inside and see without all that brings me here in don’t and all i want is control how i feel and with that i could stream the feelings of another man and gently crush them in my hand and i maybe can’t understand… this not how i planned.