Anger

I clench my fists 

I grit my teeth

I think all the words

I cannot speak

I want to lash out

I only see red

I feel the licking flames

I am the flame you fed

I close my eyes so tight

I feel the sting of tears

I can’t feel anything else

I can’t even feel my fears

I won’t let this control me

I’m having trouble holding back

I am trying to warn you

I am ready to attack

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they…

…speak, the words they use and how they hold themselves. How their lips form their words, where they look, how they hold their head. How they move their hands, hold their bodies, start and finish their sentences. You can tell a lot about a person through conversations, greetings and partings. 

However, so people feel they can tell everything about a person based on these things, and let first impressions count. No matter what is said or how it’s said; that impression takes root. Changing this impression may be impossible, and those who are stuck with it may not even realize it was there. Just remember, you can tell a lot about a person by the way they talk.

You just can’t tell everything.

A great loss

Dad called me into the living room, called us all there. He was crying, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cry. He couldn’t speak, something so heavy was upon him. He sat on the couch, looking over his shoulder out the window for some time. I stood, waiting, so much fear inside me. My little brother was at my side, I’m sure he felt the same. Mom was on the couch, at the other end, fidgeting. Something happened to dad, something she couldn’t help with. He looked at me, at my brother. His eyes, it was so hard to meet them. “Your grandmother passed away…” My grandmother, his mother. She was sick, and the last time we saw her we all needed to wear masks. She seemed so full of life, despite looking so frail. She never looked her age, and never failed to tell that story that always embarrassed me. My grandfather, dad’s father, had passed away years back. It had taken so much out of her, but she managed to remarry. My step grandfather was amazing. He cared for her so deeply, and is such a strong man. But that wasn’t enough, nothing could be. My grandmother had found happiness, but now she was gone. I never really felt it, it was all so surreal. I feel it now, these days. We live so close to the house she lived, it’s a few blocks from here. The house I used to play at. The house that was like a second home. The house I’ll never visit her at again.

My lowest point

It’s dark, not just outside but within. I’m laying here in my bed, and it feels as though I’ve been here my whole life. There is no strength in me, not even enough to eat the food left by my bed. I don’t know why I’m here, I just know I can’t move. My mind is darkness, black, nothing, void. I seem to recall something, something back far away. Something like light. But it’s outside of my reach, and I couldn’t chase it even if I wanted. I couldn’t chase anything. I can’t move. Why am I laying here? What did I do to deserve this? My parents talk to me, but it’s as if they aren’t even there. I hear the sound of their voice, and I think I can make out their shape. Their worried, sick with worry. I want to be ok, I want to stand up and hug them. I want to say “I’m sorry I made you worry, I’m sorry. I’m better now, please don’t cry.” Instead I lay here. Instead I can’t move. I sleep sometimes, and they are just as black. They are void like everything else. Each time I close my eyes I hope to wake up to the sun. I hope to wake up to feeling. I hope to wake up. I hope I’m dreaming. I hope that this isn’t real. Why am I laying here? What did I do to deserve this? I close my eyes again, too weak to even cry. Maybe I’ll wake up this time.

Playing in the dark

Sneaking out into the dark

Hiding behind bush and tree

Soft footsteps and whispers

Out in the night, running free

-

Out through the field next door

The night was our time to play

Under the fence, over the wall

Returning home before the day

-

Like little demons in the dark

No one to tells us what to do

We did the things that we felt right

Always straying from what we knew